Stories
06-13-2008, 09:43 AM
#11
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down in a hole
Posts: 1,441
RE: Stories
I've got thousands of stories, but I'll tell you my most recent goof up.
I remember the date, time, everything. It was December 27, 2007. Me and a buddy of mine were headed out to the saltwater side of Bushy Park tokill a couple ducks. It was SO COLD... I was underdressed, like I usuall am. It was 17 degrees and we were high tailin it to the duck hole the boat. We got there kinda early, before the sun came up, so we dropped anchor and just chilled by the butane heater until legal shooting time. About 4 minutes before that time, I saw one wood duck to the right of us dip below some trees. I hit the call hoping to get a response, and a second later three more came up from behind the same bunch of trees. They came barreling straight towards us and locked up. They landed about 15 yards in front of us. We waited for about 10 more minutes and woodies just started coming in from every direction. A drake and two hens saw our decoys and the ducks already in front of us, and they locked up. Craig growled "cut 'em," and we jumped up took two on the wing, and shot one as he got up off of the water. We started laughin and tellin each other good shootin, when I noticed some light coming from beside my foot. I looked down, and my buddies shell belt full of duck loads was blazing with fire! We started shoutin naughty words trying to put out the flames: "Throw it into the river!" "I'm trying" "Step on it!" Afraid that the 4th of July was about to rock our world, I picked up that belt and tryed to throw it in the river, but the flames burned the crap out my arm and I lost my grip. A good ten seconds of stress had gone by now, so I gave that it three good steps and extinguished the fire.
"I need a dip." *thwap *thwap *thwap. Craig put a pinch of grizzly in his mouth, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing
.
I remember the date, time, everything. It was December 27, 2007. Me and a buddy of mine were headed out to the saltwater side of Bushy Park tokill a couple ducks. It was SO COLD... I was underdressed, like I usuall am. It was 17 degrees and we were high tailin it to the duck hole the boat. We got there kinda early, before the sun came up, so we dropped anchor and just chilled by the butane heater until legal shooting time. About 4 minutes before that time, I saw one wood duck to the right of us dip below some trees. I hit the call hoping to get a response, and a second later three more came up from behind the same bunch of trees. They came barreling straight towards us and locked up. They landed about 15 yards in front of us. We waited for about 10 more minutes and woodies just started coming in from every direction. A drake and two hens saw our decoys and the ducks already in front of us, and they locked up. Craig growled "cut 'em," and we jumped up took two on the wing, and shot one as he got up off of the water. We started laughin and tellin each other good shootin, when I noticed some light coming from beside my foot. I looked down, and my buddies shell belt full of duck loads was blazing with fire! We started shoutin naughty words trying to put out the flames: "Throw it into the river!" "I'm trying" "Step on it!" Afraid that the 4th of July was about to rock our world, I picked up that belt and tryed to throw it in the river, but the flames burned the crap out my arm and I lost my grip. A good ten seconds of stress had gone by now, so I gave that it three good steps and extinguished the fire.
"I need a dip." *thwap *thwap *thwap. Craig put a pinch of grizzly in his mouth, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing
.
06-13-2008, 10:39 AM
#12
Nontypical Buck
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Chetek, WI
Posts: 2,070
RE: Stories
This story shows how stupid rich Illinois people can be.
Me and my dad just got done fishing on Arrowhead Lake, in Vilas County. My dad beached our boat, and he got out to get the trailer. All the sudden, a shiny red truck pulling a brand-new shiny red Ranger boat comes into the landing parking lot. This EXTREMELY fat guy comes out of his truck, and gets his boat prepared for putting it in the water. My dad puts the trailer into the water, and I put our boat onto the trailer, and he pulls it out. The fat guy looks very mad because we didn't let him go first. He finally gets his boat into the water, but he can barely start it. He'sfrantically tryingto get the engine started, because the launch is in a bay that is only 5 feet deep. His wife and 2 kids come out of the truck (Who are very skinny) jumping around on shore with excitement. The dad finally gets the engine started, but he gets it stuck on the mud on the shorehis wife and kids get on the boat, and he gets it out of the mud. I look on their truck's license plate. Illinois.
I hate Illinois people so much. Whenever they come to Wisconsin, they act like they own the place with their $30,000 boats and toys.
Me and my dad just got done fishing on Arrowhead Lake, in Vilas County. My dad beached our boat, and he got out to get the trailer. All the sudden, a shiny red truck pulling a brand-new shiny red Ranger boat comes into the landing parking lot. This EXTREMELY fat guy comes out of his truck, and gets his boat prepared for putting it in the water. My dad puts the trailer into the water, and I put our boat onto the trailer, and he pulls it out. The fat guy looks very mad because we didn't let him go first. He finally gets his boat into the water, but he can barely start it. He'sfrantically tryingto get the engine started, because the launch is in a bay that is only 5 feet deep. His wife and 2 kids come out of the truck (Who are very skinny) jumping around on shore with excitement. The dad finally gets the engine started, but he gets it stuck on the mud on the shore
his wife and kids get on the boat, and he gets it out of the mud. I look on their truck's license plate. Illinois.I hate Illinois people so much. Whenever they come to Wisconsin, they act like they own the place with their $30,000 boats and toys.
06-13-2008, 11:00 AM
#15
Typical Buck
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Barrie, Ontario
Posts: 646
RE: Stories
About 10 years ago I used to babysit for this one family from the city who had a house way up in the woods. I used to take their kids out on little nature walks and teach them the plants and trees and which ones to eat and which ones will make them itchy and which animals are nice, etc. mostly just to keep myself entertained because the kids weren't allowed outside normally. The kids were Millie - 2 yrs old, and William, 4 months old. Millie ran around the corner of the house chasing something -- what I assumed to be a butterfly or something, and disappeared for a few seconds. I was carrying her little brother so it took me a minute to catch up. There she was, her hands buried in a female black bear's fur saying "Doggie!" over and over again. The bear didn't care at all until it saw me and took off, dragging her for a second because she refused to let go. We didn't tell her parents. [8D]
The first time i had to babysitt it was two little girls 3 and 5 and one got a fever and couldn't sleep and the other one puked on me about three times. To top it all off they parents were supost to be home at 12 and got home at 3 it was the worst night lol.
I made alot of monet off it though lol
06-13-2008, 11:00 AM
#16
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Norwalk, Ohio
Posts: 4,443
RE: Stories
Centauri i work in a town that is right near the lake and Cedar Point, one of the worlds best Amusement Parks. I get these snotty nosed tourists all the time.
The Other night this guy and his wife came in 5 minutes before we closed. I polietly told them we were closing in 5 minutes. They went on shopping, going as slowly as they could. They asked us where our seafood department was. I told them that we didn't have one, we didn't sell enough seafood to make it worth having any. By this time it's 10 after 9 and we close at 9. We start shutting some lights off to let them know that they need to hurry up, they continue shopping! 20 after 9 we finally shut all the lights and these morons continued to shop. My brother who is the manager found them and told then that they need to check out immedieatly. The guy came up with the cart and we started talking a little and his snot nosed 50 year old wife with her implants hanging out of her shirt came up complaining that we didn't have anything and this store sucked and stuff. I told her we were a grocery store that rpovided the basics and a few other things. We had a meat department, a dairy department, small produce and frozen food department. She was like well our navigation unit said you were a specialty store do you know that! I was like we are a specialty store, we have a state liquor license, it's not my fault your navigation unit is a piece of junk.
I had finally had it by this time and let my feelings be known. I was like i don't know why you tourists think you own every place you visit. The people in this town don't have a problem with our store. You don't have to shop here, no one is forcing you to. At this present moment i'd wished you would go somewhere else. By the way you must be completely stupid to think that any store is going to have their seafood department open past 9. The guy apologized for his wife acting like a moron, paid, and left. God tourists are buttholes. [:@][:@][:'(][:'(][:'(]
The Other night this guy and his wife came in 5 minutes before we closed. I polietly told them we were closing in 5 minutes. They went on shopping, going as slowly as they could. They asked us where our seafood department was. I told them that we didn't have one, we didn't sell enough seafood to make it worth having any. By this time it's 10 after 9 and we close at 9. We start shutting some lights off to let them know that they need to hurry up, they continue shopping! 20 after 9 we finally shut all the lights and these morons continued to shop. My brother who is the manager found them and told then that they need to check out immedieatly. The guy came up with the cart and we started talking a little and his snot nosed 50 year old wife with her implants hanging out of her shirt came up complaining that we didn't have anything and this store sucked and stuff. I told her we were a grocery store that rpovided the basics and a few other things. We had a meat department, a dairy department, small produce and frozen food department. She was like well our navigation unit said you were a specialty store do you know that! I was like we are a specialty store, we have a state liquor license, it's not my fault your navigation unit is a piece of junk.
I had finally had it by this time and let my feelings be known. I was like i don't know why you tourists think you own every place you visit. The people in this town don't have a problem with our store. You don't have to shop here, no one is forcing you to. At this present moment i'd wished you would go somewhere else. By the way you must be completely stupid to think that any store is going to have their seafood department open past 9. The guy apologized for his wife acting like a moron, paid, and left. God tourists are buttholes. [:@][:@][:'(][:'(][:'(]
06-13-2008, 11:35 AM
#18
Giant Nontypical
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location:
Posts: 6,498
RE: Stories
Ah, Amateur's story just made me remember one.
I grew up on a dairy farm, but we had pigs and all that. When we gave up the dairy and switched to horses (Crowley killed us and to this day I won't drink it) we gave our pigs to my cousin. Well what do you do with pigs? You slaughter them. There must be bacon in this world! So my cousin's place is pretty close to a main road that cuts his property in half. His pen is just on the side of the road. Well this particular day he'd culled out a few for the table.
Don't know if ya'll have ever slaughtered anything before, but here's how we do it. He shot them first, we don't use the heads at all, they go to the dogs, so we killed them first, then strung them up by their feet and bled them out while hanging off the hooks onhis tractor bucket. He recently had a back injury and couldn't hoist them up the barn rafters like he usually does, so the tractor seemed a good enough idea.
This woman with NJ license plates is driving by taking pictures of the farm (its just so scenic to them... ugh) when all of a sudden she comes to a screeching halt in the road. She gets out and starts majorly yelling at my cousin for "torturing those poor animals." He walked up to her, took off his hatand said kindly, "Ma'am, just where do you think your pork comes from?" I was rolling on the ground. Especially when she called the police. The sherrif shows up for an animal abuse call, LMAO, and tells her the same thing. "Ma'am, this is how bacon is made." I honestly had to run to the bathroom after that because I just couldn't take it anymore
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Story # 2:
Again, inspired by Amatuer's story:
We have this little grocery store that is the only one in our area unless you want to drive an hour to get to the nearest walmart. When I say small, I mean its got 4 aisles and a full butcher shop in the back. Well since its a butcher shop, and the cows, pigs, chickens, ducks, whatever come from just up the street, they're whole when they get there. There's a big walk-in freezer that's about the size of my apartment with the animals just hanging there. When someone comes in and orders something the butcher will just go in the back, hack it off, bring it up front and clean it, then package it. Some days when he's getting really behind he'll bring the whole animal out onto the block and cut the whole thing up so he doesn't have to do it later. He was in the process of cutting up a cow when this woman (NYC B*#*#) comes in and starts going pale. I was standing next to her waiting for some ground beef when all of a sudden she pukes all over the place and starts dry heaving after that. I was in uniform and asked her what was wrong and she started crying and said "I can't believe you people treat animals like that, those poor defenseless things" I told her "Have a nice day Ma'am and maybe you outta think twice before shopping up here"
City people are hilarious to watch, horrible to deal with.
I grew up on a dairy farm, but we had pigs and all that. When we gave up the dairy and switched to horses (Crowley killed us and to this day I won't drink it) we gave our pigs to my cousin. Well what do you do with pigs? You slaughter them. There must be bacon in this world! So my cousin's place is pretty close to a main road that cuts his property in half. His pen is just on the side of the road. Well this particular day he'd culled out a few for the table.
Don't know if ya'll have ever slaughtered anything before, but here's how we do it. He shot them first, we don't use the heads at all, they go to the dogs, so we killed them first, then strung them up by their feet and bled them out while hanging off the hooks onhis tractor bucket. He recently had a back injury and couldn't hoist them up the barn rafters like he usually does, so the tractor seemed a good enough idea.
This woman with NJ license plates is driving by taking pictures of the farm (its just so scenic to them... ugh) when all of a sudden she comes to a screeching halt in the road. She gets out and starts majorly yelling at my cousin for "torturing those poor animals." He walked up to her, took off his hatand said kindly, "Ma'am, just where do you think your pork comes from?" I was rolling on the ground. Especially when she called the police. The sherrif shows up for an animal abuse call, LMAO, and tells her the same thing. "Ma'am, this is how bacon is made." I honestly had to run to the bathroom after that because I just couldn't take it anymore
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Story # 2:
Again, inspired by Amatuer's story:
We have this little grocery store that is the only one in our area unless you want to drive an hour to get to the nearest walmart. When I say small, I mean its got 4 aisles and a full butcher shop in the back. Well since its a butcher shop, and the cows, pigs, chickens, ducks, whatever come from just up the street, they're whole when they get there. There's a big walk-in freezer that's about the size of my apartment with the animals just hanging there. When someone comes in and orders something the butcher will just go in the back, hack it off, bring it up front and clean it, then package it. Some days when he's getting really behind he'll bring the whole animal out onto the block and cut the whole thing up so he doesn't have to do it later. He was in the process of cutting up a cow when this woman (NYC B*#*#) comes in and starts going pale. I was standing next to her waiting for some ground beef when all of a sudden she pukes all over the place and starts dry heaving after that. I was in uniform and asked her what was wrong and she started crying and said "I can't believe you people treat animals like that, those poor defenseless things" I told her "Have a nice day Ma'am and maybe you outta think twice before shopping up here"
City people are hilarious to watch, horrible to deal with.
06-13-2008, 12:22 PM
#20
Banned
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Inside your Mom
Posts: 2,231
RE: Stories
ORIGINAL: AlbertianHuntress
Hooker, I choose not to believe the fact that you don't have one good story to tell. Think really hard!
Hooker, I choose not to believe the fact that you don't have one good story to tell. Think really hard!
And, since this is a very PG place, I'm going to refrain from posting any of my college stories.
Also, thinking really hard makes my head hurt. I prefer my head to be hurt free.
But, alas, I will try to think of some fun stories for you kiddies later.