Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
09-27-2007, 05:27 PM
#41
Fork Horn
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 239
RE: Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
Just a thought, if it's within your ability, try to offer him something to stay in school, maybe a car, with insurance paid, and maybe some gas money, as long as he stays in school, and keeps passing grades!! That would be the approach I would use!! Rather than telling him what he isn't going to get by dropping out, show him what he can have by not dropping out!!!
It's time for a reality check and a little life lesson eye openers. 1st that Drivers license gets revoked by parent. Time for a job, rent, medical insurance, vehicle and insurance, tooth past deoderant, electricity, phone ect ect ect.. I took one of my daughters shopping, filled up the cart with everything she was going to need and left her standing with it an no money at the check out counter. She was having a ball filling up the cart. Tune changed at the check out counter. Apartment hunting was a fun eye opener too.
BTW if he/she leaves, it's with the cloths on his/her back. No freebees, take what they own and baught with money they earned. The rest they can have when they show a deploma that they've earned. His job is school and his payment or reward should be reflective of the effort he puts into it. My kids got bad grades, the cell phone and computers were the first destractions to go. If my kids didn't get good enough grades to get an insurance discount, they didn't drive. Special occassions like prom I'd pick up the tab but otherwise, you want the car, show me the gas money.
Someone also mentioned getting to the underlying reasons. I had a daughter that school was moving too slowly for her. She felt like everything was in review, nothing new. We got her into another school program and she graduated 2 years ealy and at 21 had made the deans list with her college deploma. My other daughter, math was going to fast, she was lost and frustrated and ashamed to admit it. The school should be able to help out as long as you push it. Squeeky wheel gets the most grease.
I'd calmly sit him down and lay it all out for him. You don't want to go to school then your childhood is over start acting like a man. Maybe start with what he owns and what you and his mother owns. Then he has to decide where he's going to live. If with you or the mother, write down what his share of the bills will be. Remember, land lords don't have to be fair and reasonable either. lol Drivers license get's turned over, makes it tough to get a job to support all those bills, better think about a car payment and insurance too. Have him call an insurance agent and get a quote for auto and renters insurance, make sure he tells the agent how old he is. lol add them to the pile of bills. As you're laying this plan out for him to get out on his own, make him realize that this is a lot even on the 2 year plan, and impossible on the emdiate plan. Don't shoot him down, encourage him to use school for all he can get and get started on that 2 year plan.
I have A GED and so does my wife. As parents we felt it was our job to get them through high school and at least get them pointed toward college. They didn't come with instructions and instructions for 1 wouldn't work for the other 2. One kid is going to go back to school and is finding that it's more difficult to pay for college after taking a couple of years to deside what she wants to go to school for. One has made us grandparents and is trying to get back to school for a bachelors degree. I can't even spell it. lol The youngest is off to the National Gaurd in Nov.. AT one point in time for each, it didn't seem like they were going to make it. This is your time. Sitting down, talking like an adult, and hammering home what adults go through to get there kids cloths, food and everything. Keep talking until you know he's seeing how easy he's got it and what this choice will do to change his life. He's 16, it's only 2 years. Great time for you to mentor him with the things that they don't teach in school. Like bank accounts and credit scores, interest rates, chils support. 2 years will fly by, get involved in his life and invite him to stay in school and enjoy these next couple years together and for God's sake, say a prayer and take him hunting. I believe the only choice he really has is what parent he wants to live with. I believe they get that right at age 14. It's difficult with devorces, my daughter would pull stuff like that thinking it would make my x and I closer, maybe get us back together, it only made things worse. He's only 2 years away from graduation but it's the toughest 2 years. Good luck.
09-27-2007, 05:58 PM
#42
Typical Buck
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Norwich CT
Posts: 504
RE: Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
ORIGINAL: wack
Are you nuts?
Just a thought, if it's within your ability, try to offer him something to stay in school, maybe a car, with insurance paid, and maybe some gas money, as long as he stays in school, and keeps passing grades!! That would be the approach I would use!! Rather than telling him what he isn't going to get by dropping out, show him what he can have by not dropping out!!!
I'll tell you this much, I'd never set my kid up for a fall intentionally!!
Fill a cart with stuff then leave em hanging!
Are you nuts?
To each their own I guess!!!
09-27-2007, 06:02 PM
#43
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location:
Posts: 13,082
RE: Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
? LOLI talked to his principle today, and I'm outta luck here. He DOES need to have parental consent, but, making an INCREDIBLY long story short, I don't have joint LEGAL custody of him, so if his mom signs him out, he's done. Nothing I can do.
09-27-2007, 06:34 PM
#45
Typical Buck
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location:
Posts: 508
RE: Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
Listen mobow im 16 just like your son and cougs has got it right youre not going to want to fly off the handle with him make him pay ren and for all of his spendings food and everthing for a while then if he still doesnt give in id encourage him and just try to make the best out of a crappy situation
by the way my teacher told are class that on average a high school graduate makes 72% more money a year that a drop out tell him that and maybe hell listen
by the way my teacher told are class that on average a high school graduate makes 72% more money a year that a drop out tell him that and maybe hell listen
09-28-2007, 01:30 AM
#46
Fork Horn
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location:
Posts: 447
RE: Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
i signed out when i was 16 but had to have a parent sign me out but i did it so i could go to school online and work at the same time. it was call einstienacademy.com or something like that "charter schools" there called but i know they were trying to shut them down back then but i think they are still around. i graduated and they even had a cerimony if you wanted to go for it. so if he just hates being trapt in school (i just wanted to get started making some moeny, but still wanted to get a deploma) maybe he like this. it only takes like a few hours a day.
09-28-2007, 01:39 AM
#47
Fork Horn
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location:
Posts: 447
RE: Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
ORIGINAL: wack
Are you nuts?
It's time for a reality check and a little life lesson eye openers. 1st that Drivers license gets revoked by parent. Time for a job, rent, medical insurance, vehicle and insurance, tooth past deoderant, electricity, phone ect ect ect.. I took one of my daughters shopping, filled up the cart with everything she was going to need and left her standing with it an no money at the check out counter. She was having a ball filling up the cart. Tune changed at the check out counter. Apartment hunting was a fun eye opener too.
BTW if he/she leaves, it's with the cloths on his/her back. No freebees, take what they own and baught with money they earned. The rest they can have when they show a deploma that they've earned. His job is school and his payment or reward should be reflective of the effort he puts into it. My kids got bad grades, the cell phone and computers were the first destractions to go. If my kids didn't get good enough grades to get an insurance discount, they didn't drive. Special occassions like prom I'd pick up the tab but otherwise, you want the car, show me the gas money.
Someone also mentioned getting to the underlying reasons. I had a daughter that school was moving too slowly for her. She felt like everything was in review, nothing new. We got her into another school program and she graduated 2 years ealy and at 21 had made the deans list with her college deploma. My other daughter, math was going to fast, she was lost and frustrated and ashamed to admit it. The school should be able to help out as long as you push it. Squeeky wheel gets the most grease.
I'd calmly sit him down and lay it all out for him. You don't want to go to school then your childhood is over start acting like a man. Maybe start with what he owns and what you and his mother owns. Then he has to decide where he's going to live. If with you or the mother, write down what his share of the bills will be. Remember, land lords don't have to be fair and reasonable either. lol Drivers license get's turned over, makes it tough to get a job to support all those bills, better think about a car payment and insurance too. Have him call an insurance agent and get a quote for auto and renters insurance, make sure he tells the agent how old he is. lol add them to the pile of bills. As you're laying this plan out for him to get out on his own, make him realize that this is a lot even on the 2 year plan, and impossible on the emdiate plan. Don't shoot him down, encourage him to use school for all he can get and get started on that 2 year plan.
I have A GED and so does my wife. As parents we felt it was our job to get them through high school and at least get them pointed toward college. They didn't come with instructions and instructions for 1 wouldn't work for the other 2. One kid is going to go back to school and is finding that it's more difficult to pay for college after taking a couple of years to deside what she wants to go to school for. One has made us grandparents and is trying to get back to school for a bachelors degree. I can't even spell it. lol The youngest is off to the National Gaurd in Nov.. AT one point in time for each, it didn't seem like they were going to make it. This is your time. Sitting down, talking like an adult, and hammering home what adults go through to get there kids cloths, food and everything. Keep talking until you know he's seeing how easy he's got it and what this choice will do to change his life. He's 16, it's only 2 years. Great time for you to mentor him with the things that they don't teach in school. Like bank accounts and credit scores, interest rates, chils support. 2 years will fly by, get involved in his life and invite him to stay in school and enjoy these next couple years together and for God's sake, say a prayer and take him hunting. I believe the only choice he really has is what parent he wants to live with. I believe they get that right at age 14. It's difficult with devorces, my daughter would pull stuff like that thinking it would make my x and I closer, maybe get us back together, it only made things worse. He's only 2 years away from graduation but it's the toughest 2 years. Good luck.
Just a thought, if it's within your ability, try to offer him something to stay in school, maybe a car, with insurance paid, and maybe some gas money, as long as he stays in school, and keeps passing grades!! That would be the approach I would use!! Rather than telling him what he isn't going to get by dropping out, show him what he can have by not dropping out!!!
It's time for a reality check and a little life lesson eye openers. 1st that Drivers license gets revoked by parent. Time for a job, rent, medical insurance, vehicle and insurance, tooth past deoderant, electricity, phone ect ect ect.. I took one of my daughters shopping, filled up the cart with everything she was going to need and left her standing with it an no money at the check out counter. She was having a ball filling up the cart. Tune changed at the check out counter. Apartment hunting was a fun eye opener too.
BTW if he/she leaves, it's with the cloths on his/her back. No freebees, take what they own and baught with money they earned. The rest they can have when they show a deploma that they've earned. His job is school and his payment or reward should be reflective of the effort he puts into it. My kids got bad grades, the cell phone and computers were the first destractions to go. If my kids didn't get good enough grades to get an insurance discount, they didn't drive. Special occassions like prom I'd pick up the tab but otherwise, you want the car, show me the gas money.
Someone also mentioned getting to the underlying reasons. I had a daughter that school was moving too slowly for her. She felt like everything was in review, nothing new. We got her into another school program and she graduated 2 years ealy and at 21 had made the deans list with her college deploma. My other daughter, math was going to fast, she was lost and frustrated and ashamed to admit it. The school should be able to help out as long as you push it. Squeeky wheel gets the most grease.
I'd calmly sit him down and lay it all out for him. You don't want to go to school then your childhood is over start acting like a man. Maybe start with what he owns and what you and his mother owns. Then he has to decide where he's going to live. If with you or the mother, write down what his share of the bills will be. Remember, land lords don't have to be fair and reasonable either. lol Drivers license get's turned over, makes it tough to get a job to support all those bills, better think about a car payment and insurance too. Have him call an insurance agent and get a quote for auto and renters insurance, make sure he tells the agent how old he is. lol add them to the pile of bills. As you're laying this plan out for him to get out on his own, make him realize that this is a lot even on the 2 year plan, and impossible on the emdiate plan. Don't shoot him down, encourage him to use school for all he can get and get started on that 2 year plan.
I have A GED and so does my wife. As parents we felt it was our job to get them through high school and at least get them pointed toward college. They didn't come with instructions and instructions for 1 wouldn't work for the other 2. One kid is going to go back to school and is finding that it's more difficult to pay for college after taking a couple of years to deside what she wants to go to school for. One has made us grandparents and is trying to get back to school for a bachelors degree. I can't even spell it. lol The youngest is off to the National Gaurd in Nov.. AT one point in time for each, it didn't seem like they were going to make it. This is your time. Sitting down, talking like an adult, and hammering home what adults go through to get there kids cloths, food and everything. Keep talking until you know he's seeing how easy he's got it and what this choice will do to change his life. He's 16, it's only 2 years. Great time for you to mentor him with the things that they don't teach in school. Like bank accounts and credit scores, interest rates, chils support. 2 years will fly by, get involved in his life and invite him to stay in school and enjoy these next couple years together and for God's sake, say a prayer and take him hunting. I believe the only choice he really has is what parent he wants to live with. I believe they get that right at age 14. It's difficult with devorces, my daughter would pull stuff like that thinking it would make my x and I closer, maybe get us back together, it only made things worse. He's only 2 years away from graduation but it's the toughest 2 years. Good luck.
just so you know im for being tough on kids once i was 12 i started working alittle in the summer but for me i loved work and worked full time the next summers and even part time durring school year for my brothers business' . i had to buy everything that i "wanted" except if it came to hunting or outdoors my dad always helped me out with that kinda stuff usually 1/2 for 1/2. i had to pay rent and car insurance,bought my own cars and the like,and i feel it made me a better person. im only 23 ive been maried for 4yrs ,have a 3yr old ,i have a nice house , my own succesful business, etc. but if my dad had used the tactics you describe id have a deep seated hate for him and probably would have a real negative outlook on life. your kids need to know your there for them no matter what happens even if you dont aprove of it and you can certainly let them know you wont support the bad decisions they make they need to know they can get help from there loved ones it really really important for making it through unexpected problems in life. my guess is your probably our of there loop on a lot of things and youll never know it till its to late.
09-28-2007, 01:14 PM
#48
Fork Horn
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 239
RE: Ok, now I'm REALLY upset!!
I didn't sit down and plot going to the store with my kid. That was her idea and I went along to see how she was going to pay for everything. I know it sounded cruel but it really wasn't that bad, we had been adding it up and were over $400, and she realized it and asked what we're going to do with all this stuff, we put the shopping cart in line and walked away together. Save your pitty for the poor lady who had to put all the stuff back. It opened up a door of communications and my daughter left that store a better person. I really want to focus on the good, and positive but sometimes it takes a jolt to open ones eyes. Yea the kids would hate me if it was all that bad, but mine don't. We worked harder on getting ready for life as a team and family. My kids can screw up and they don't feel the need to lie to me about it, they can ask me anything and expect a straight foward answer. Like "dad, can my boyfriend sleep over?"
Sure, over my dead body."
Giving a car to a kid to get him to stay in school? Never. What are you going to have to buy him the next time he wants to quit? A Porsche? You're only teaching him how to bribe you and eventaully others.
Seems ever kid goes through times where they want to quit or run a way. I took the approach of fine, lets take a look at your plans and figure out how it's all going to work for you. Start asking the simple questions and you find out they really haven't put much thought to it. As they do start answering those questions for themselves they start to see that it's not so easy and that lifes reall not so bad here. Plus now they've taken a look at the real world and have a much better idea how to prepare for the day they move out. Sure its easy to call me a wack based on 1 post but I didn't write about going to rumage sales with the daughters to find cool stuff cheap for there first appartments. I didn't write that a couple hours going over banking and getting a saving and checking accounts going, how to budget and save, all activities that we did together and had fun while doing.
Why on earth would the mother sign him out of school?
The school will follow the laws regarding this but is there a school problem behind any of this? Grades? Bullies? Bully teachers? Finding the root cause may help. Could be as simple as he can't see well, or something more complex like ADD. One of my girls was bored with school. We got her on a program that went much faster, allowed her to work at her speed and she graduated college on the deans list 2 years after her class graduate high school. She wanted to drop out and run away half way through her freshman year in high school. My "tactic" gave us enough time to find out what the problem was and get it fixed. That was to get her in an advance study group designed for kids like her. This may apply here but you really can't play hardball if the X is going to let him quit and live on the couch, if that's the case. If you're devorced in my state the kid has an appointed gaudain adlddem (spelling?) I would speak to him, the judge and anyone who'd listen and see about getting custody, getting the kid help, or doing what ever needed to stop him from dropping out. Stopping him though isn't good enough, some how he's got to want it. Just like A job, he's got to want one. Like Bradkaz mentioned earning nice things by working is great for the self esteem and leads to better things in life. Go back to the school and find out everything you can about what's going on and if they have any programs or special classes that can challenge him better at his level and speed.
Set asside our bickering here and think actually we're not all so far appart. I'd never set my kids up to fail. Letting them quit school is setting up for failure. Not listening to your children is setting up to failure. Listen to him, get him to tell you what's his plan, his goal and mentor him from there. If he likes hunting, there's your ticket to a good sit down talk with him. I know how helpless it feels with out custody, been there. Going to my daughts appointed lawyer was my best move, his job is to do what's best for the child and his word can convince a judge to make it so. If you can convince your son to live with you, the kid can usually make that decission at age 14 through his court appointed lawyer.
I also want to add that we moved to a small town with a "great school system." Don't care if you live in Mayberry, there are drugs in every school, and just about every child is confronted with and or has tried drugs. Peer pressure is high, and the drugs now days are completely different and more dangerous than ever. Kids on computers can get and make anything, being a parent now days is tougher than ever. Don't let the dopers be the only ones talking to your kids about drugs. No kid is going to admit it. Tests can be bought at the drug store or on line. It's best a parent finds out privately than to be told by an officer your kids on drugs. Sorry to say that drugs is one of the leading causes for drop outs. Just a thought, I feel your pain and wish you luck.
Sure, over my dead body."
Giving a car to a kid to get him to stay in school? Never. What are you going to have to buy him the next time he wants to quit? A Porsche? You're only teaching him how to bribe you and eventaully others.
Seems ever kid goes through times where they want to quit or run a way. I took the approach of fine, lets take a look at your plans and figure out how it's all going to work for you. Start asking the simple questions and you find out they really haven't put much thought to it. As they do start answering those questions for themselves they start to see that it's not so easy and that lifes reall not so bad here. Plus now they've taken a look at the real world and have a much better idea how to prepare for the day they move out. Sure its easy to call me a wack based on 1 post but I didn't write about going to rumage sales with the daughters to find cool stuff cheap for there first appartments. I didn't write that a couple hours going over banking and getting a saving and checking accounts going, how to budget and save, all activities that we did together and had fun while doing.
Why on earth would the mother sign him out of school?
The school will follow the laws regarding this but is there a school problem behind any of this? Grades? Bullies? Bully teachers? Finding the root cause may help. Could be as simple as he can't see well, or something more complex like ADD. One of my girls was bored with school. We got her on a program that went much faster, allowed her to work at her speed and she graduated college on the deans list 2 years after her class graduate high school. She wanted to drop out and run away half way through her freshman year in high school. My "tactic" gave us enough time to find out what the problem was and get it fixed. That was to get her in an advance study group designed for kids like her. This may apply here but you really can't play hardball if the X is going to let him quit and live on the couch, if that's the case. If you're devorced in my state the kid has an appointed gaudain adlddem (spelling?) I would speak to him, the judge and anyone who'd listen and see about getting custody, getting the kid help, or doing what ever needed to stop him from dropping out. Stopping him though isn't good enough, some how he's got to want it. Just like A job, he's got to want one. Like Bradkaz mentioned earning nice things by working is great for the self esteem and leads to better things in life. Go back to the school and find out everything you can about what's going on and if they have any programs or special classes that can challenge him better at his level and speed.
Set asside our bickering here and think actually we're not all so far appart. I'd never set my kids up to fail. Letting them quit school is setting up for failure. Not listening to your children is setting up to failure. Listen to him, get him to tell you what's his plan, his goal and mentor him from there. If he likes hunting, there's your ticket to a good sit down talk with him. I know how helpless it feels with out custody, been there. Going to my daughts appointed lawyer was my best move, his job is to do what's best for the child and his word can convince a judge to make it so. If you can convince your son to live with you, the kid can usually make that decission at age 14 through his court appointed lawyer.
I also want to add that we moved to a small town with a "great school system." Don't care if you live in Mayberry, there are drugs in every school, and just about every child is confronted with and or has tried drugs. Peer pressure is high, and the drugs now days are completely different and more dangerous than ever. Kids on computers can get and make anything, being a parent now days is tougher than ever. Don't let the dopers be the only ones talking to your kids about drugs. No kid is going to admit it. Tests can be bought at the drug store or on line. It's best a parent finds out privately than to be told by an officer your kids on drugs. Sorry to say that drugs is one of the leading causes for drop outs. Just a thought, I feel your pain and wish you luck.
